IP Fictionarium: 2011

06 December 2011

Plustered

Plustered - when you meet someone you've previously only known via Google+ and you are, momentarily, speechless.
"Got totally plustered when I ran into @mathowie outside the LBS."

21 November 2011

Grumpon - a new social money saving website for grumpy people.
"Dude, did you see the deal for cranky pants on Grumpon? I'm stocking up!"

Of course also gives rise to many other derivatives:
Slumpon - deals for people with bad posture.
Pumpon - deals for fans of inflatable products (could include a sexy corner store too).
Dumpon - deals for toilet obsessed people or for people that like those grab bag deals of shit they couldn't sell.
Humpon - deals for people seeking sexual gratification.
Chumpon - "deals" for people who are bad at deals and always spend more than they need to.
Thumpon - deals for people that enjoy thumping on other people about what a great deal they got.
Lumpon - deals for cancer patients.
Sumpon - deals for people like my buddy who live in the hills and have constant water seepage issues.

And yeah, I could almost certainly just keep going on and on.

Tittally

Tittally - totally tits.
"Meghan McCain may be nuts but she's also tittally awesome."

Yes, yes I did invent a word to describe Meghan McCain, what of it?

Babeitized

Babeitized - when one is first described as a hottie is when one has been Babeitized.
"She didn't get babeitized until later in life when she ditched the glasses and started playing sports more."

Taura

Taura - a tour of auras (no, I'm not really sure what it means either).
"She showed me her crystals and then took me on a taura around the cemetery."

Twatts

Twatts - the measurement unit of being a twat, ie. jerkface, asshat, prick, etc.
"He was working hard to pump out a lot of twatts last night after he got insulted."

Also, twattage - your overall twatts rating.

Scaroling

Scaroling - caroling that results in scaring people by bad singing.
"We tried to sing Silent Night but our scaroling was so bad we should have just hummed it instead."

Also, of course,
Scarroling - caroling so bad that it actually leaves scars, probably mental or emotional but really, really bad singing could cause physical harm.

Innact

Innact - enacting an inn.
"By these proclamations, I hereby innact this new bed & breakfast! Long may it serve fresh scones and strong coffee!"

Helpatitis

Helpatitis - a terminal case of helping others.
"His helpatitis is super easy to exploit, he wants to help soooo much."

Whorrendous

Whorrendous - a really bad whore.
"She was whorrendous, she didn't know how to put on a rubber, she didn't know how to use the twist ties and she didn't cut off my air flow long enough. Just whorrendous, man!"

Fatapult

Fatapult - a catapult made specifically to throw fat people.
"Man, you'd need a huge fatapult to launch that dude."

Deskape

Deskape - escape from one's desk.
"I didn't want to deliver the bad report upstairs but I really needed a little deskape and it was the first opp that came up."

Disttractive

Disstractive - when an attractive person uglies themselves up on purpose so they are less of distraction because they are so attractive.
"She didn't want to call attention to herself so she made her as disstractive as possible."

24 October 2011

Funfold

Funfold - when fun unfolds in front of you, like an amusement park ride or a bike ride through an enchanted wood. "The day totally funfolded for us perfectly, from the sun through the trees up on the mountain to the sun setting magnificently over the Boardwalk. Epic and awesome day!"

18 October 2011

Douchebank

Douchebank - a douche-y bank, duh. "BofA is the biggest douchebank around right now with their bullshit debit card charge."

17 October 2011

Limpotent

Limpotent - limp and impotent, yeah its redundant but so's your mom. "The mind was willing but the flesh had been beaten into submission by the anvil that is her pubic bone, leaving me limpotent but with a rather dirty smile perma set into my face."

Dickocrite

Dickocrite - hypocritical dick, see Beck, Glenn. "That guy is such a total dickocrite, last year he trumpeted the Tea Party's 'righteous anger' and now he calls the occupiers 'stinky socialist hippies'."

28 September 2011

Borjury

Borjury (bore-jury) - committing perjury out of boredom. "Man, this trial's never gonna end, I'm gonna commit borjury and go relax in a jail cell for a bit."

Chacne

Chacne (chack-knee) - chance acne. In use, "I was totally looking forward to my date tonight but got hit with some chacne and now I'm not going anywhere."

22 September 2011

Choadie

Choadie - a road riding bicyclist who dresses like a total choad.

A choad, for them's that aren't knowing, is the strip of skin between your scrotum and anus. Some folks also call it a taint, as in 'taint this and 'taint that. But I've also known it as the choad which is lots of fun to say.

22 August 2011

Imbecillin

Imbecillin - an inoculation against being a fucking idiot.

19 August 2011

Bummingbird

Bummingbird - a pessimistic hummingbird.

Rolish

Rolish - a role that is relished.

Martality

Martality - death by marriage.

Flautos

Flautos - flautas made out of or to look like cars.

Wocha

Wocha - (pronounced Woe-ka, like mocha with a W) a first thing out of bed choco coffee is a wocha.

Conduchive

Conduchive - conducive to being a douche.

Coffeenated

Coffeenated - adding coffee to anything.

Feeked

Feeked - getting fucked by fee.

20 July 2011

Fondude

Fondude - That guy on the floor who got a fondue pot for Christmas during freshman year of college? Yeah, he was the fondude.

25 May 2011

NWoTD - Amkneesia

Amkneesia - when you forget that you've got a bad knee or knees you are suffering from amkneesia.

09 May 2011

NWoTD - Trumpathy

Trumpathy - sympathy for Donald Trump (curable via medication and/or lobotomy).

NWoTD - Trampathy

Trampathy - sympathy or empathy for tramps (either the sexually promiscuous kind or the ones asking for spare change at intersections)

NWoTD - Opposuite

Opposuite - a suite on the opposite side of the hallway or a "mirror image" suite

NWoTD - Explanatino

Explanatino - a latino who explains himself (rare)

NWoTD - Ofiend

Ofiend - a regular and often fiend

NWoTD - Ashean

Ashean - ocean filled with ash

NWoTD - Monochromous

Monochromous - a monotonous one-sided "conversation"

NWoTD - Bitchycle

Bitchycle - someone who keeps complaining even after getting on their bike

NWoTD - Internlude

Internlude - take a break from work to do an internship

NWoTD - Whorror

Whorror - a horrifying prostitute

NWoTD - Rueben

Rueben - a sandwich you regret eating

NWoTD - Urpa

Urpa - urban sherpa

NWoTD - Embarrify

Embarrify - the act of embarrassing someone is embarrifying them

NWoTD - Mewt

Mewt - a cat that won't meow

NWoTD - Blaizzez faire

Blaizzez faire - someone who doesn't care where they smoke (pot)

03 March 2011

NWoTD - Spotaneously

Spotaneously - spontaneously on a spot.

NWoTD - Purade

Purade - a parade of only the pure (think white supremacist mentality).

NWoTD - Schlockularity

Schlockularity - taking pleasure in the purchase of plastic crap is schlockularity

NWoTD - Blockularity

Blockularity - taking great pleasure in cock blocking someone results in blockularity

NWoTD - Beautility

Beautility - the beauty of something that's really useful.

NWoTD - Pitio

Pitio - an outdoor space for pity

NWoTD - Seethan

Seethan - an angry (or seething) heathen

NWoTD - Staplier

Staplier - supplier of staples

NWoTD - Pastellar

Pastellar - really, really nice pastel colors

NWoTD - Hatino

Hatino - a hateful latino

20 January 2011

NWoTD - Virtuaous

Virtuaous - virtually virtuous, someone who plays nicely only but is a jerk in real life (yeah, I know its usually the other way around)

NWoTD - Oprahtality

Oprahtality - hospitality, Oprah style with lots of Oooooooooo's and waving of the arms and looking under the chairs and such. Here's how it would go if one of Oprah's favorite things was bees and yes, looking at this makes me laugh out loud every single time!